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November 26 岁末又到岁末了。又回到一种定式，上课，project，迎接final exam。日子又要过得像白开水一样。这次还多了个ielts. 香港的天气也阴阴晴晴。在别人看来很宜人的季节，我却害怕。整天落雨，每天睁眼都开不到太阳。其实是很不习惯南方的冬天，不是很冻，但没有一个温暖的地方。想躲在被子里，厚厚的衣服里。想念家里的暖气啊…… 不过，我想我很乐意试着习惯这样的冬季。
说到家里，又快回北京了。虽然还要历经困难重重。不过目前心情还不错，心态还平和。想到回北京可以做的事，可以见的人，心情都更好啦。哎，想到这里我开始内疚。每次回去之前都在脑子里构想一堆一堆场景，一堆一堆要做的事，很多很多要见的人。例如，看老师，见朋友，同学聚会，去某某地方，学某种语言，再去某地体会一次某时的心情……可是，回去之后就懒得动弹了，大概唯一没有落下的就是吃遍北京的小吃。这次为了防止自己耍赖，先写这里，大家监督。虽然假期也很短，事情还很多。
午饭，唯一的休闲时间，随意打开了一堆blog。某人的blog内容又一次吸引了我的眼球。一个我从前很在乎的，现在也很想了解的人。只不过现在是出于好奇吧。知道他开了blog之后，每次观光都能给我不小的吃惊。这次更是体会他的变化。也许不是变化，也许是我根本未曾了解他。不过如果可以选择，我倒宁愿相信是前者。因为不想承认自己初中三年做人有那么的失败。既然他现在还活蹦乱跳着，用自己的方式生活着，我也无法妄加评论什么了。只是，感谢你赠我空欢喜。现在，依然也是，因为，你在以另一种方式让我为自己骄傲。
继续看书去了。 November 21 tmr's presentation终于在HK人的影响下变成了真正的deadline worker，呵呵，这也算是真正的适应生活了吧。
明天present，今天才开始准备。但是怎么还一点都不着急？？4点半下课回来，开始翻书，做PPT。好彩1个多小时就把PPT搞出来了。
刚吃过晚饭，take a nap。待会来读几遍稿子……
呵呵，有点老油条的感觉～～ reflect sthIt's such a longgggg time since my last time updating my blog. I still remember last time when I update it, I was so excited and aggressive. But now, just reflect some mood and things during these days.
During couple of weeks, I'm very busy and so tired, both the body and the heart. All the time, I dont wanna think the reason and my situation. I just let myself fill into banch of things, test, report, presen...Since coming to HK, enterring university, I alway face these kind of problems, and now I just dont want to face it and dont want to think it. But more serious this time, I start to doubt whether I really can reach my aim, realize my value, finally realize myself. Those sad things happened make me doubt myself, likely, it is the first time!! During these days, every day I wake up, I have the faith, but it seems that everyday I suffer the beat. so, i even cannot feel i'm too optimistic or too pesstimistic. this is the best of time or this is the worst of time. i have totally lost myself.
Changing a new room and a now roommate lets me even think more and doubt more. looking to her, i feel i'm so fortunate. i need to do nothing except studying. but i still cannot make it, but she can. she is such a wonderful person that does a lot of part-time job, have many responsibilities to her family, joinning a lot of societies and sleep just 4,5 hours. she can make her GPA above 3.7. Gosh,that's unbelievable, huh? more important, i have nearly no responsibility, to family, to friend. maybe even someone thinks he or she has responsibility to me. that makes me so ashamed.
I can say i have aim, i can see my future. and i feel i fit into the life in HK now. i remember when i just came to HK, i cannot help myself chatting with my friends in BJ via MSN, QQ, i miss the life in BJ, in the secondary school. and yesterday one of my friend asked me to see the web of NOS, i suddenly realized that i had not seen those websites for months. but a year ago, i frequently looked into them to find motivatives. Now, i can get passion from my real life. that's good thing arrrr. but if i cannot get opportunity, those totally do not make any sense.
Having sufferring a lot of failure, but i still have to face the truth. there are more things waiting for me tmr. the presentation on Wed, now even start preparing it. internship application, the IELTS test, final exam....arrrrrrrrr.
actully, i prefer to write all these in chinese characteristic. but i need to practice my written english for IELTS shortly. importantly, english is such a good thing to hide some thing we hardly say in chinese la.
 ps. a little good news, i got a good result in the midterm of finance. that gives me a little bit courage to face tmr. |
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